read thru my fren's blog just now... and things tat happened today made me realised something...

i am nv a good fren...

and have no frens at all... perhaps only a few who would really care about me... but i'm really sorry to disappoint them... cos i'm very not someone who can maintain friendships no matter how long i haven't seen a person...

all my frenship are seemingly short-lived... there is not one well maintained frenship tat even when i'm not in the same class or school as tat person, we'd still keep in contact...

just realised wat a pathetic person i am...

sigh...

most ppl say ur sec sch frens are those who will be closest to u even after u step into working society... but wat bout my sec sch frens? how many of them are still keeping in touch with me and updating me wat's going on in their life?

the answer? none at all...

not even hf who is in my class... was on the same train as her when we went to sch for our exam... dun even know wat is going on in her life... sad isn't it?

haha... she was toking to ty... and i dun even know wat they are toking bout...

sometimes i feel tat i'm just another person in class... it's like even if i met them on the way to sch, i'll just be like any other passenger on the train... as if i dunno them...

i dunno how long i can take this kind of life anymore...

maybe u can say tat i'm an attention seeker... maybe it true... sometimes i just wish tat someone could pay me some attention... tat i could be in the limelight for something positive... but i dun think tat will be very possible since i'm very stupid... even when someone ever so rarely come and ask me a question, the answer i'd give them is i dunno...

i'm such a stupid failure...

really wonder how many of them would notice when i'm away in class... my guess would be tat it is none as usual... or maybe if i'm optimistic, my guess would be only one or two out of the whole class of 20 ppl...

if i'm to vanish frm this world, i dun think anyone would notice ba... haha... dun even think tat anyone in the world would care at all...

i am not a social creature... i am a loner...

no one would even care if i'm a loner...

wonder how much worse my social life could get... will it degrade until my life consist of only work/sch and home?? there's a high possibility since i am nv Ms. sociable, Ms. well-liked and Ms. friendly...

wat i wan is just someone who is willing to share their lives with me, and listen to all my happiness and woes... is tat alot to ask of??

i'm not initiative and i know i muz change... but it's just so hard to change...

i'm always knowing how my past frens are going on with their lives thru blogs and other common frens... i'm nv the first one tat they will update their lives with... nv ever... is it becos tat u dun trust me? maybe so... i really dunno... i can keep secrets well... but just no one ever confines in me... even now, i dun really know why i go to gatherings... to give myself a chance to mix with them? but no one ever comes and tok to me... even when i tok to them also is a question and answer session.. it's so disappointing tat i'm starting to wonder the purpose of me going to such gatherings...

the closest to me in my old lot used to be cf... but i dunno if he is scared tat i still like him or wat, seems to be shunning me whenever we have any gatherings... pls la... i'm long over our relationship, just tat amongst those present, u are the next closest to me... so obviously as a usual person, u'd stick with the most familiar person in a going stranger gathering...

if other ppl were to walk alone at the back of the group, there'll usually be someone who'd notice and go accompany him/her... but it's nv the case for me...

sometimes in my attempt to mix in, i'd feel like i'm a pests to all of my frens... am i really such a pests to u all?

maybe some of u might even cheer if i'm ever gone from this world... who would be sad? and who'd even missed me as a fren?

i'm really sick and tired of all these...

no one ever cares...

ciaoz...

shall keep this entry short...

now in exam period... but got no study mood... die...

finished one today... 4 more to go...

just changed the song of my blog as u can hear... unless u dun come here often...

hahaha...

wanted to put another song de... but tat website too slow to dl... so change to Forbbiden Love by S.E.N.S..

i like S.E.N.S. very much... their music all very nice de... hehehehe... esp the one i originally wanna put de... it's called True Love by S.E.N.S..

got chance go and find ba...

anyway, can anyone tell me how to upload my own song onto my blog? dun wanna use other website's link cos it lags like shit...

anyone knows? can drop me a msg on my tag board...

thx...

ciaoz...

haiz... all gd things muz come to an end... this is the end of my long weekend... tml gotta go sch again le...

anyway, had a fun day today... went to the food fest with my mum, bro, da jie and ryan... then tat lil baby so funny... got good food then he keep eating...

aiyo... dunno wat i'm gonna write le la... all cos of my mum and jie... kept toking beside me...

oh ya... anyone wanna upgrade their mobile plan can pls inform me?? i wanna change my phone... but got no plan for me to use... everyone in my family including my sis's bf had just upgraded our plans less than 1 yr ago... so no plan to upgrade...

haiz... dun feel like toking anymore le... damn sianz... the phone i wan always will go out of stock when i wanna buy it... damn...

haiz... only thing tat can cheer me up is tml le... they're gonna show takuya's pride on channel u, starting tml evening at 7.30...

all muz remember to watch leh... very very nice de... hahahaha...

ciaoz...

wahahaha... happy teachers' day to all in the teaching profession out there...

hahaha... i'm so happy today... first, yest had a super fun day... nan de went out with 11 of my classmates, including gurdip, li jiuan and junliang who rarely join us... hahaha... it's the first time i went out with li jiuan... and yest then know tat we can get along well... hahaha... at first still scared will be rather weird... cos my usual clique dun quite tok to them... then the guys invited her along... but still alright la... at least i tried to tok to her when the guys were toking amongst themselves...

secondly, there was no 9am lesson... cos conrad went finland with xiao hei, meaning that i had an hour more to sleep before going for fm, which is at ten... hehehehe... then i did my assigned question before hand le...

thirdly, my fm ca result got back le... it was better than i expected... cos at least i managed to pass although it was a rather slight pass... i think i'm quite an easily contented person... i'm satisfied with wat i have in life...

fourthly, my ecml evaluation i think i did rather well being the last in my grp tat he asked... then the first few ppl de i still know... so considered quite gd le ba... then the one tat mr tang asked me was something that i didn't know or think hard enough la... so it's my fault...

fifth, today's bd is only to go in to watch and shoot ppl until they die... wahahahahaha... i know i'm being mean la... but i'm just trying to get some participation marks for myself... hehehehe... then somemore they can't shoot me back le... cos my presentation finish liao... hehehehe....

lastly, me tutee so cute... tat day she told me on teacher's day she wanna get something for me then told her no need le she still got prepare... hahahaha... first time i get teacher's day present... hahahahaha... children's day must get her something also.. and i know wat to get her le... hahahaha... she always been wanting to use my shaker... so shall get tat for her...

anyway, i wanna continue watching inuyasha soon le... but my bro still watching anime on arts central... bo bian have to wait for him... hahahaha... meanwhile will slack and go blog hopping... hehehe...

ciaoz...

now i'm in school...

why am i STILL able to blog despite having so many projects, u might wonder...

why?

it's all becos i'm forgotten....

i dun think anyone i'm doing project with knows that i'm actually in their group...

just like now...

wat they do i dunno... i tried to find out... but no one responded to me...

went to see another project... i didn't even know they start le... they start they nv tell me...

so... tell me... wat is this? i'm i so insignificant tat u all nv notice me?

it's not tat i dun wanna do... but did any of u take my work and word seriously? ask urself... did i ever have a chance to be contributing?

true tat some of u have given me the chance for contributing although i have missed many meetings due to tuition... and i'm grateful to u...

but...

even when u give me work such as ensuring the ppt slides run smoothly, all with same size and same format, with the different backgorund for the slides, making me work until late at night at 2.40AM while u all are happily in dreamland?! ok... i dun mind doing until so late...

but the thing is tat wat for do u want me to do so much when u DUN EVEN APPRECIATE MY EFFORT??

let me ask u...

wat's the use of asking me to do all these when the next day u changed everything i've done? it's just wasting my precious sleeping time... it's not like i want to go for tuition de lor... if got a choice, i might as well stay with u all to do the project...

i feel like i'm again the bloody extra here... at least when u all do project can ask me to go de ma...

like now this grp... they do wat they nv tell me... then when they finally give me something to do and i spotted a mistake, everyone's ignoring me when i tried to raise it up no matter how hard i tried to get their attention... i'm i really tat soft tat u all can't hear me or is it tat u all are too busy tat u can't hear me even when i'm nearly shouting beside u?

really so sick and tired of this life... i really think tat even if i suddenly disappear frm this world one day, no one would even notice tat...

i will write no more... for i shall not drop my tears for this...

ciaoz...

argh... so many projects... but got no time to do...

stress of projects is finally catching up wth me... out of the six modules i'm taking, five of them are with projects... and all deadlines are during the next two weeks... so many projects means got many presentation as well... so stress...

haiz... sometimes i just wish i'm a billionnaire... then no need to work... and can get a mp3 and a new phone... oh... and a digi cam too... i not very fussy de... a 512 mb mp3 would be gd enough for me... no need to have screen to show wat some is next de... got would be an advantage la...

haiz... sianz... my stupid phone is getting frm bad to worse le... who can save me phone without me having to pay them? hahaha... really like motorola A668... so nice cos got writing function and can read chinese and got camera...

digi cam would be the last in my list la... cos i got cam phone le... so no need for digi cam... if the hp got video recording even better... hahahaha... then can save on digi cam le...

think i'll have to wait for 4 mths before i can start saving up for such luxury things... sob sob... tuition is taking up a lot of my time... but bo bian have to teach to earn extra income... shld start saving up le... pls dun ask me go out too often... window shopping can ask me along too la... but to eat gd food, go ktv, bowling, pool etc then can ask la... but most likely not going... see if i got extra cash for those entertainment ma...

haiz... when can i find someone to sponsor me??

hahahaha... think i'm going mad frm the lack of sleep...

ciaoz...

argh...

my bloody v200 is failing me... so pek chek... my v200 the menu button need to press until i pek chek then will work... argh... who can sponsor me a new phone? hopefully is a new motorola A668.. hahaha... kidding... guess i'll have to save up, postpone my haircut and all other expenses until i have enough $$ to buy it...

anyway, the gd news is i might get a new laptop... hahahaha... thx to my er jie... cos she's gonna stay in hall again le... so she wanna bring a com there... but this com tat i'm using now is super lousy and according to her, always kana virus in her sch... then the laptop is not possible cos my da jie and me need it for sch, then the better pc my bro need to use... so my mum decided to get a new laptop cos if get desktop then my house got no place to put le... then my er jie says if i need it then she'll bring it hm and let me use for the week... yeah~~~ wahahahahaha...

now just wondering when can get the new laptop... hmmm.... and hopefully i wun get the lousy and heavy laptop... hahahahaha...

anyone got and cheap and good laptop deal to intro to me? hehehe... if got, feel free to drop a msg for me in my tagboard...

thx...

ciaoz...

had a very strange dream last night... but it's not a nightmare la.. hahahaha...

dreamt tat i was accompanying kor for lunch... then suddenly the scene change to inside a sch... then i was with my mr. right... the dream is so funny and sweet... hahahaha... dreamt tat my mr right went to play basketball... then in the end i just went off to tok with my sec sch classmates... then he came and pacify me... hahahaha... too bad dunno how he look like... hahahaha...

dreams are very funny things la.... dunno how i came about dreaming bout it... maybe cos of moulin rouge tat i watch before i went to bed? hahahaha... dunno also...

anyway, today so bloody suay... was eating lunch when i spilled food on myself... like little kid like tat... tsk tsk... all becos of the stupid food... haiz... then rainy weather also affects my mood...

si bei sian...

ciaoz...

it's the hols now... but i dun seem to enjoy it much... still havta go to sch almost everyday to do project, attend smart briefing and have a stupid tok on coming sat...

only today's better... just tat have to wake up early to go for the training... then the afternoon is all free... wahahahaha...

when i reached hm, went down to mac to buy my lunch since my voucher is going to expire soon... might as well use it... after tat, went to borrow dvd from the play machine... borrowed the movie "my boyfriend is type b"... it's a rather cock movie... but really funny... and quite touching at some parts... maybe those who watched it le might disagree tat it's touching... but i'm quite a crybaby la... hahahaha... see ppl cry i'll also cry de...

was surfing the web just now... and found something hilarious... there was one part in the movie of "my boyfriend is type b" where the guy drag the ger out of the cinema cos of a boring movie... and guess wat... the movie tat they are watching is "wet dreams 2" wahahahaha... this is wat the webby says "The movie that amuses Han-Mi, but bores Young-Bin so much that he has to flee the theater is Wet Dreams 2."

wahahahahaha... so bloody funny... makes me wonder if i shld go watch tat movie...

anyway, gtg sleep le... my songs finish downloading le...

ciaoz...

finally... i'm here to blog... wahahahaha...

i think by this time no one would read my blog anymore le... hahahaha... cos i rarely blog nowadays... too busy...

anyway, today had a rather fun day... cos got spac2go event... hahahaha... actually is the sec sch students come to sp the me and hf is supposed to brief them on their treasure hunt game... then so funny lor... cos after they left for their game, only me, hf, kris and jasper are left in the auditorium... then end up hf and jasper started singing using the mic... so funny lor... then they say it's project superstar... hahahaha... end up me and kris being the "judges"...

brief the kids also so funny... cos we're supposed to get their attention... then to do so, u cannot threaten them or be rude... so bo bian... treat them like coaxing little kids like tat... hahahaha... use a serious tone they dun listen then end up using a tone i use on pri 1 kids then they listen... hahahaha...

anyway, now my throat slightly sore le... cos just now when i giving tuition, dafinah made me read her 2 stories... anyone got any cure for sore throats?

hahahaha...

ciaoz...

haiz... if only...

if only my mum would want to get a new line.... then i can get the phone i want!!!

so tempted to buy motorola A668!! it's so cheap now if i sign up starhub line... but i dun wanna give up my singtel line also leh... the number so nice... but if i sign up for starhub line also no use... cos no one calls me de...

damn sian...

haiz... later still got fm ca1... nv study much yet...

gtg...

ciaoz...

yes~! wahahahaha... i finally got my juice extractor le!!! muahahahaha.... and it's at a cheap price... i did not even pay a cent of my $$...

wondering y? all becos of my robinson voucher given by misc... haahahaha... jio mabel go shopping on fri... then in the end her shoes spoilt... so we went to robinson to shop... since we are at robinsons, i so bad... made mabel walk the whole robinsons just so tat i can find wat i want and use the voucher to pay for her new shoes and my things together... in the end, i nv find anything nice (as in clothes) and things i need at robinsons, until we reach lvl 4... then i found my juice extractor... wahahahaha... tat day very fun but super tiring...

we walked all the way frm far east to paragon to centrepoint to og to plaza sing... a long long way... and we stopped and shopped at all the places i've mentioned....

alvin and kor joined us at papragon... thou alvin came first la... but i think he very sian... cos me and mabel sure shop female dept de ma... after jq joined le then better... at least they got each other as company... hahahahah... however, they went off to watch movie after we reach centrepoint...

anyway, had a fun day on fri... and slacked at hm for the whole of sat... muahahahaha... watched tv since i woke up... just love the jap drama on channel U on sat... hehehehe... the title of the show is 美女か野獣 starring 松島菜々子　and 福山雅治...

ok la... brain malfunctioning now... wanna sleep le... but sihui still sending me some smap things... which is 100,000 over kb... i'll have to wait until mad le... dunno wat time will finish...

ciaoz...

hahahaha... did u all manage to figure out who is there in this pic? hahahaha... it'd be a funny pic if there was flash light... but to save the batt, we nv on...

anyway, this was taken yesterday for gbe...

okok... time to update... tuition has started again.... then my bd is touching up on the questionnaire le... met up with my sec sch frens last sat... then saw xj on thurs...

the most impt event of the past week... i got a kor kor le... wahahahahaha... of cos is fake kor kor la... and it's jq... hahahaha...

he so funny lor... keep making me call him kor... hahahahha... cos nan de got ppl call him kor...

anyway, one project finishing le... yet another to be started... i better go prepare for my gbe presentation which is on mon...

ciaoz...

hahaha... i got a very nice song frm lp... it's lonely by akon...

Lonely I'm so lonely,
I have nobody,
For my owwnnn
I'm so lonely, I'm Mr. Lonely
I have nobody,
For my owwnnn
I'm so lonely,

Yo this one here goes out to all my playas out there ya kno got to have one good girl whose always been there like ya
Kno took all the bullshit then one day she cant take it no more and decides to leave

I woke up in the middle of the night and I noticed my girl wasn't by my side, coulda sworn I was dreamin, for her I was
Feenin, so I hadda take a little ride, back tracking ova these few years, tryna figure out wat I do to make it go bad, cuz
Ever since my girl left me, my whole life came crashin

I'm so lonely (so lonely),
I'm Mr. Lonely (Mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
To call my own (to call my own) girl

I'm so lonely (so lonely)
I'm Mr. Lonely (Mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
To call my own (to call my own) girl

Cant belive I hadda girl like you and I just let you walk right outta my life, after all I put u thru u still stuck
Around and stayed by my side, what really hurt me is I broke ur heart, baby you were a good girl and I had no right, I
Really wanna make things right, cuz without u in my life girl

I'm so lonely (so lonely)
I'm Mr. Lonely (Mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody to call my own)
To call my own (to call my own) girl

I'm so lonely (so lonely)
I'm Mr. Lonely (Mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
To call my own (to call my own) girl

Been all about the world ain't neva met a girl that can take the things that you been through
Never thought the day would come where you would get up and run and I would be out chasing u
Cuz aint nowhere in the globe id rather be, aint noone in the globe id rather see then the girl of my dreams that made me
Be so happy but now so lonely

So lonely (so lonely)
I'm Mr. Lonely (Mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
To call my own (to call my own)

I'm so lonely (so lonely)
I'm Mr. Lonely (Mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
To call my own (to call my own) girrll

Never thought that id be alone, I didnt hope you'd be gone this long, I jus want u to call my phone, so stop playing girl and
Come on home (come on home), baby girl I didn't mean to shout, I want me and you to work it out, I never wished Id ever
Hurt my baby, and its drivin me crazy cuz...

I'm so lonely (so lonely)
I'm Mr. Lonely (Mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
To call my own (to call my own)

I'm so lonely (so lonely)
I'm Mr. Lonely (Mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
To call my own (to call my own) girll

Lonely, so lonely
So lonely, (so lonely),
Mr. Lonely, so lonely
So lonely, so lonely, (so lonely), Mr. Lonely

hahahaha... if this happens in my life and someone sing this song to me, i'll be damn touched... wahahahaha...

but if someone sings "Iwas born to love you" this song to me even better...
hahahaha... it's more touching...

I was born to love you
With every single beat of my heart
Yes, I was born to take care of you
Every single day...
chorus:
I was born to love you
With every single beat of my heart
Yes, I was born to take care of you
Every single day of my life

You are the one for me
I am the man for you
You were made for me
You're my ecstasy
If I was given every opportunity
I'd kill for your love

So take a chance with me
Let me romance with you
I'm caught in a dream
And my dream's come true
It's so hard to believe
This is happening to me
An amazing feeling
Comin' through

chorus

I wanna love you
I love every little thing about you
I wanna love you, love you, love you
Born - to love you
Born - to love you
Yes I was born to love you
Born - to love you
Born - to love you
Every single day - of my life

An amazing feeling
Coming through

chorus

Yes I was born to love you
Every single day of my life

Go, I love you babe
Yes I was born to love you
I wanna love you, love you, love you
I wanna love you
I get so lonely, lonely, lonely
Yeah, I want to love you
Yeah, give it to me

wonder when then i'll be the female lead of the songs... haha...

ciaoz...

urgh!!! this is getting so stupid!!

why muz they involve the yr 3s? can't they just leave us alone? we're busy enough bout our studies le... it's not as if we'll still be in sch for another 2 years or so lor... pls la... teach us le also no use lor... tootz leh...

u muz be wondering wat i'm toking bout... it's my stupid cca la... the officer want us to learn some stupid programme that the sch has so that it can aid us in counselling ppl... pls lor... who dunno how to use the bloody programme? just anyhow explore la... some bloody asshole who told her tat he/she dunno how to use... are u really tat dumb tat u dunno wat is call explore the programme on ur own? bloody hell lor... get the whole club into trouble... then she also so strange... ask the yr 2 to learn can le wat... they learn then they can pass down the knowledge... we already leaving le still want us to learn... wat a waste of resources and ppl's time... can't they just have a booklet on how to use the damn bloody programme? if i'm not doing project tml still nvm... but the damn bloody thing is tat i need to do my project tml and the time clashes... it's my final yr project lor... whether i get out of poly depends a lot on this leh... bloody helll...

argh... i think i shall just pon it tml... heck liao la... anyway i already say before le... dun expect me to be as committed as before... now just let me enjoy life after the 1 yr in committee... no point being so active le... to be practical and say it in a frank way, there is no way i can get a dist in cca... i'm not tat mad... an A is enough... secondly, i'm no longer in committee le... so when u all need help then find me... otherwise dun make me go for this kind of stupid training... learning a programme? hahahaha... pls lor... my IT programmes all pick up on my own one lor... and somemore this kind of programme is for ppl with low IT literacy also can use de lor... just explore and find the button to click la... wat's so difficult? bloody hell... if i ever know who is tat bloody idiot tat told ms angelvine tat they dunno how to use the programme, i'll really knock sense and some BASIC IT skills tat this person dun possess into him/her...

argh argh argh!!!! BLOODY HELLL!!!!

time is precious... i shall not waste any time on stupid things... studies is my priority now... cca is only second... so watever tat is going to clash, i'd go for studies related... heck to cca le...

finish venting my anger le... thx for reading...

ciaoz...

just finished reading my sis's blog... hahahaha... feel so inspired to write an entry like hers... wahahahaha...

anyway, not really possible la.. my eng not as pro as hers... hahahaha...

just love drinking milk... milk is gd for health... tasty and healthy...

wahahahahha... some ppl might think i'm very health concious... but i'm not... just tat i love eating fruits and drinking milk... i love eating junk food also...

eating is a big part of my life... and i dun exercise... wahahahahaha.... tat explains y i look like tat... wahahahahaha...

think i'm going mad le...

can't wait for tml... finally can start on bd proper le since dbf ppl come back frm their itp...

going to start play the inuyasha game my bro managed to dl for me... wahahahahaha.... hopefully can agar agar play cos it's in jap....

ciaoz...

hahahaha... finally i'm here...

at first dun intend to blog de... but have to la... cos need to change something also... hahahhaha... so here i am...

ok... just a hopefully quick update...

spent the whole sunday making dumplings... freaking tired and the kitchen is so bloody hot... but had a nice time... cos nan de can do something together with my mum and my dad... hahahaha... although not my whole family is at hm... but it's fun making dumplings with my parents and my bro... it's not everyday tat i can to do things and interact alot with my dad...

mon nothing special... just tat i went to meet my bd grp... not bad la... thou i'm the only ger... but nvm la... i also quite boyish de... on our way there, alvinwas psychoing jq to follow us since we're early... then in the end, jq really come... hahahaha... but he eat finish his icecream then he went off le la... cos by tat time, andy already reach le...

had generally quite a gd time with my grp... luckily they're all very friendly ppl la... just tat andy is more to the quiet side la... but this is only the first meeting lor... i also very quiet there... but those of u who know me well shld know tat i super noisy de...

went hm together with bryan since we both taking the same line... at first still scared will be quite strange cos got it's only the first time we've interacted... but it turns out tat we got alot of things to tok about... hahahaha... thx to the common frens tat we have...

today nothing much la... just tat somehow i still feel tat one of those tat i was once closed to seem to be avoiding me... i dunno wat's wrong la... maybe it's my way of thinking or my behaviour tat annoys you... but u can just tell me de lor... dun like it when ppl just keep giving me cold shoulder out of a sudden... i dunno wth is going on lor... sry if u think i might know... but in actual fact, i'm super slow in realizing things de lor...

after sch went to clubrm to slack with hf... so long nv have a proper chance to tok to her alone le lor... then went to watch them play tennis until 0515 when i have a meeting at 0500... hahahahha... time really flies... now it's time to plan the next year 1 training le... i at first kena the post of treasurer de... in the end they say since i got so many ideas on saboing ppl, they put me as the game master... sianz lor... have to find bonding games le... anyone got any game to intro to me?? hehehe... just feel free to email them to me or drop msges on my tagboard bout it...

after meeting, went back to watch hf they all play tennis... can't go hm yet cos their things in the clubrm and the key's with me... so end up waiting until 7 plus... then went hm with hf, km and jasper... but nv go eat with them cos my mum cooked and i too tired to go la... hahahaha...

okok... this is the impt part of this entry...

ppl reading my blog...
if u all dun like the way i behave or think, basically anything bout me tat u dun like or can't agree with de hor...
pls dun just nv tok to me then start giving me cold shoulders hor...
i very open to suggestion and criticism de...
by telling me, u're actually helping me lor...
u'll be able to let me know where and when i'm stepping over the line so tat i dun become overboard lor...
if u dun like the way i behave and shy to tell me directly in fear of hurting me or our frenship for eg, pls tell someone close to me... so tat i can at least go find out frm them...
anyway, if u really treat me as a fren, u shldn't mind if u'd hurt my feelings or not... true frens will tell you things tat you dun wanna hear de...
i wun accept you breaking this frenship without a vilid reason de... muahahahaha...

anyway, tat's bout all la... dun wanna tell me wat's wrong with me straight to my face, u have the alternatives of dropping it on my tagboard or email me... u want slow mail i also dun mind de... hahahaha...

ciaoz...

finally one wk has ended...

i think i really like my timetable a lot... wahahaha... cos i got a long wkend!! friday no need to go sch... yeah!!

this whole wk was cca wk in sch... went there whenever i got the time... then did my duty on tues... one thing i can conclude... this kind of things hor... cannot put 3 seniors together de... cos all 3 will slack together... hahahaha... just like me, florence and eugene... went there again on wed... this time go there with mabel, jac and ly... hahahaha... so funny lor... the 4 of us trying to act like freshies... and there are actually ppl who believe... this shows tat kids nowadays look very chao lao... really lor... this new batch of yr 1 hor... u cannot tell the diff between them and the yr 2s and 3s... this time round, the four of us managed to bluff our way to balloons!! hahahaha... we each(except for ly) got a flower balloon each... wahahahaha...

anyway, mon and thurs got bd... then my grp i'm the only ger, then only me and alvin are frm dba... the rest all dbf de... not bad la... bd lesson is a time for me to look at guys... wahahaha... cos got quite a bit of shuai ge in tat class...

went bowling with my class ppl... the guys so pro... hahahaha... i bloody lousy de lor... hahahaha... dun think i ever scored more than 90 ba... shows how bad i am... saw this guy... not bad looking de... and his bowling is so pro... wahahahaha... nan de got ppl will make me turn my head twice de... hahahahaha...

okok... this is a very impt part of this entry... wahahahaha... for those who recently visited my blog, u'd notice tat i've changed my song frm rick price's "only heaven know" to queen's "i was born to love you"... this song has now become my favourite!! wahahahaha... was watching jap drama "pride" starring takuya kimura!! wahahaha.. he so drop dead handsome... he's so cool when his playing ice hockey!! gosh... he's good no matter wat he's acting as... hairdresser, pilot, ice hockey player, pianist, public prosecutor.... any roles also he's gd... pride is really a nice show u all should watch if possible...

tat's how i spent my fri... watching pride... hahahaha... of cos still got go bank, play with lil ryan and bring him to the library lah... but the show made up majority of my day...

today was spent watching tv, helping my mum preparing the ingredients to make the dumpling tml...

so... tat's all for my entry la...

ciaoz...

sometimes i wonder if one is born to be a loner... well... tat seems to be the case for me... is my ren yuan really tat bad? hmmm... just dunno... sometimes i feel like i'm very left out... i'm i being pai chi? or i'm i really tat bad a person tat i dun have a single soul mate, someone who understands me very well?

maybe cos i'm never popular... never was there once when we were to do project tat ppl will wan me in their grp de... i think there's a big flaw in my character ba... no one is willing to really befriend me and do things with me... there was never once when i'm the centre of attention and the leader... i was ALWAYS the FOLLOWER... just hate tat lor...

i think even if i'm gone one of these days also not many ppl will notice ba...

sometimes i just dunno why ppl can change so fast... or maybe cos i'm the one resisting changes ba... i'd always drift away from my frens de... it's a ALWAYS... the most i give it is one yr... one yr after beginning of being in diff class, all my frens wud drift away frm me... even when we met up with each other, i'd nv have the chance to speak up... like in the case of my sec sch gatherings... it'd nv be me who have the chance to speak... and whenever i rarely got this chance, i'd always be interupted by someone de... it's ALWAYS like tat... and i bloody well absolutely HATE to be interupted... when i'm interupted, i'd rather keep quiet and do the listening... how can anybody hear a songle thing if everyone is toking at the same time? so sacrifice and keep quiet lor... bo bian wat... some ppl is just so inconsiderate de lor... nv wait for ppl to finish then interupt...

i think i dun have a lot of frens... those who i count as frens now i dun think will be so after this year lor... they'd as usual move to the mere acquaintance category le...

there are really many ppl who'd come in and out of ur life... these ppl are just mere acquaintances... they are not frens... frens are ppl whom without telling them, would notice tat u are not happy, notice tat u are not present during lesson and would offer to lend u their notes for the lesson tat u miss without u asking for it...

i know i'm single now... but tat does not mean tat u cannot tok to me about the ups and downs of ur relationship... it's true tat i dunno how to give gd advices... but i'd always be there to lend u my ears and even my shoulders de lor...

i know i live in a very happy family and have not been through wat u ppl in problem family experience... but still, if u need someone to grumble ur grouses to, i'd always be there de lor... even though i really cannot give advices on this area... a frenship doesn't work one way... it takes two to clap.... i dun wan a frenship where there's only me complaining to the other party... i want a frenship whereby the other party also complains to me... but... i'm i not trustworthy? maybe some of u might say so ba... but i dun think i'm so... if u label things as secret, i can swear across my heart tat no one else will ever hear about it unless u tell them... like tat time when i went abroad with the 3 guys... wat they made me promise not to tell, i really nv say a single thing out... until the ger ask me if it's true... cos one of u already spill the beans le...

although i admit, i'm not someone who can keep alot of things to myself... tat i always tok to someone to let out all my grouches, but usually those are things tat happened to me, and not wat other ppl told me...

all i ask for is to be treated as a fren... not just mere acquaintance... is tat alot to ask for? is it? really very tired of all these le... why muz ppl have feelings? why can't ppl just be heartless and just go on with their life without the emotional baggage attached... i'm just getting tired... really tired of this... should i just seal myself off from all these feelings? these feelings of being the extra big bulky spare tyre tat is being kicked ard? maybe i wun feel this sad and disappointed if i just seal myself off frm this world... i doubt anyone wud even care if i do so... i was nv impt anyway...

really hate this frenship prob... it's changing me frm being optimistic to being pessimistic which is very bad...

just hope this rough patch of life would end soon...

anyway, thx for reading my grouches... really appreciated it tat u took time off to even bother to read my blog... i'm now much better after saying things out le... and i wanna thx alvin and jq for showing ur concerns for me today... really makes me feel much better... and also to those who did not pretend tat i dun exist today... ur aknowledgement of my existence makes it worthwhile...

just hoping tat i wun appear puff eyed tml...

ciaoz...

itp finally end le... sch's starting....

kinda miss my collegues at misc... hahahaha... anyway, muz update again....

wed...
nothing much... work as usual...

thurs...
pei hf and lp order their things during lunchtime... they both intend to give kuah lapis and egg tarts to the collegues at misc during the last day...

was rather pissed off by this action of their's... just dun understand lor... usually if got a few ppl attached to a coy for intern they'd usually share to buy things for the collegues... but the thing is the 2 of them insisted on buying on their own... i know they really helped us alot during the period of attachment... but the thing is u are not earning alot frm them and if u wanna treat them on ur own, wat about those who wanna treat yet dun have tat much money to treat on their own? and if all four of us treat them individually, how wud they ppl in the coy be able to finish it all? pls la... spare a tot for them lor... tat time 2 ppl treat at a time already so many of them complain le lor... imagine this time is the four of us treat together... who wud be able to finish... and it's after lunch also lor... i mean pls la... lunch already made ppl so bloody full le lor... go back office still have to eat wat u give them... u think they pig ar?

okay okay... vented enough le... time to carry on... since they both wanna treat on their own, so nvm lor... in the end i share with shimei... a choc cake... and we decided to give them before lunch... so tat they'd have no excuse but to take...

fri...
gave them the cake the first thing in the morning... gave shimei's dept followed by mine... cos these two are top piorities... shirlin they all at first wanna reject de... but i force them to take... muahahaha...

tok to my supervisor while we were still giving out the cake... then see his mood so happy faster gave him my log bk... hehehe... in the end, i think he first time mark ppl log bk lor... still ask me if he need to give kevin ma... so funny lor... then in the end, susie pass by... then she so de siao one lor... cos i only give him all at once ma... the hf is those tat gave her supervisor every week de... so susie told him tat we are supposed to give our suspervisor our log bk every week de... make me so pai sei in front of him lor... cos he ask me how come he nv every week get it...

work was much more than the past few days... non-stop de... hahahaha... occasional breaks were when lp is still waiting for her performa to end, and shimei waiting to use the fax machine... on one of those breaks, lp's dept so sweet de lor... they really dote her like their own kid like tat... will crack jokes to entertain her, tok to her and side her when there's trouble de... then they're the first dept tat gave her things lor... they long planned today le...

just before lunch, lp came and ask me if we wanna join her dept in having lunch... she say they wanna treat us... then ask where we wanna go and eat... in the end, during lunchtime, they still book a mini bus bring us to bukit merah there eat lor... so nice of them... mr kumar, mr sim, mas, jeffery, roz and the receptionist...

my biggest surprise was after lunch... at first still tot tat my dept will not do anything de... but after i came back from lunch, wendy came up to my table and passed a bag to me... then she say tat is something the four of them, wendy, shirlin, emily and crystal share to give me de... so sweet of them lor... i was so touched by them...

then shortly after tat, susie came and gave me something also... was very surprise... then hf say cos susie told her tat everyone deserves something...

work as usual... then hf and lp start to give their things...

near the end of the day then kevin appear... shimei wanted to give him the cake de... but hf dun wanna go yet... she wanted to finish all her work before going... made shimei so pissed off... in the end, kevin called us into his rm... so scary lor... majiam u do something wrong the day u left like tat... hahaha... end up being him wanna tok to us the final time before we go off... then the coy still give us a $50 robinson voucher each... he still took down our contacts... so tat next time if they need part-timers they can contact us... hahaha... hope whenever they need part-timer they'd look for us... then i no need look for job le... hehehe...

anyway, met mabel they all for dinner... thou hf got go, but i went off first... cos need to take laptop frm my sis and hf still wanna do ot for the coy on her last day.... no wonder she can get her A for itp...

anyway, life's always unfair... same supervisor, scared will bias... diff supervisor, diff grading standard... i dun deny tat i'm jealous of her getting an A while i got a B... tat's life... and life really sucks...

anyway, chat alot with them during dinner... but i think mostly is hf toking to alvin la... felt quite bad... cos all three of us are in shipping line and then they kept toking bout the time in shipping line... think mabel felt rather left out lor... so i also nv tok much la... since the 2 of them wanna tok then let them do so lor...

when we're leaving, hf was saying bout something tat ppl of the same blood grp have similar thinking... i think i totally agree with in man... i really starting to not being able to stand blood grp o ppl's way of thinking le lor... hahahaha... wonder how many ppl tat i know has blood grp b... think blood grp b is a grp of rather rare type of blood... cos majority of ppl tat i know has blood grp o... o is the most common of all the ppl i've met lor... now i only know mabel is also same as me, we're blood grp b de...

anyway, if u find it hard to understand this entry dun fret... cos i'm just typying watever tat comes into my mind... so u are really reading my tots as i type this...

anyway, shld go off le... tml sch starting... and now i'm not even sure of wat i'm typing le... hahahaha...

ciaoz...