sometimes i wonder if one is born to be a loner... well... tat seems to be the case for me... is my ren yuan really tat bad? hmmm... just dunno... sometimes i feel like i'm very left out... i'm i being pai chi? or i'm i really tat bad a person tat i dun have a single soul mate, someone who understands me very well?

maybe cos i'm never popular... never was there once when we were to do project tat ppl will wan me in their grp de... i think there's a big flaw in my character ba... no one is willing to really befriend me and do things with me... there was never once when i'm the centre of attention and the leader... i was ALWAYS the FOLLOWER... just hate tat lor...

i think even if i'm gone one of these days also not many ppl will notice ba...

sometimes i just dunno why ppl can change so fast... or maybe cos i'm the one resisting changes ba... i'd always drift away from my frens de... it's a ALWAYS... the most i give it is one yr... one yr after beginning of being in diff class, all my frens wud drift away frm me... even when we met up with each other, i'd nv have the chance to speak up... like in the case of my sec sch gatherings... it'd nv be me who have the chance to speak... and whenever i rarely got this chance, i'd always be interupted by someone de... it's ALWAYS like tat... and i bloody well absolutely HATE to be interupted... when i'm interupted, i'd rather keep quiet and do the listening... how can anybody hear a songle thing if everyone is toking at the same time? so sacrifice and keep quiet lor... bo bian wat... some ppl is just so inconsiderate de lor... nv wait for ppl to finish then interupt...

i think i dun have a lot of frens... those who i count as frens now i dun think will be so after this year lor... they'd as usual move to the mere acquaintance category le...

there are really many ppl who'd come in and out of ur life... these ppl are just mere acquaintances... they are not frens... frens are ppl whom without telling them, would notice tat u are not happy, notice tat u are not present during lesson and would offer to lend u their notes for the lesson tat u miss without u asking for it...

i know i'm single now... but tat does not mean tat u cannot tok to me about the ups and downs of ur relationship... it's true tat i dunno how to give gd advices... but i'd always be there to lend u my ears and even my shoulders de lor...

i know i live in a very happy family and have not been through wat u ppl in problem family experience... but still, if u need someone to grumble ur grouses to, i'd always be there de lor... even though i really cannot give advices on this area... a frenship doesn't work one way... it takes two to clap.... i dun wan a frenship where there's only me complaining to the other party... i want a frenship whereby the other party also complains to me... but... i'm i not trustworthy? maybe some of u might say so ba... but i dun think i'm so... if u label things as secret, i can swear across my heart tat no one else will ever hear about it unless u tell them... like tat time when i went abroad with the 3 guys... wat they made me promise not to tell, i really nv say a single thing out... until the ger ask me if it's true... cos one of u already spill the beans le...

although i admit, i'm not someone who can keep alot of things to myself... tat i always tok to someone to let out all my grouches, but usually those are things tat happened to me, and not wat other ppl told me...

all i ask for is to be treated as a fren... not just mere acquaintance... is tat alot to ask for? is it? really very tired of all these le... why muz ppl have feelings? why can't ppl just be heartless and just go on with their life without the emotional baggage attached... i'm just getting tired... really tired of this... should i just seal myself off from all these feelings? these feelings of being the extra big bulky spare tyre tat is being kicked ard? maybe i wun feel this sad and disappointed if i just seal myself off frm this world... i doubt anyone wud even care if i do so... i was nv impt anyway...

really hate this frenship prob... it's changing me frm being optimistic to being pessimistic which is very bad...

just hope this rough patch of life would end soon...

anyway, thx for reading my grouches... really appreciated it tat u took time off to even bother to read my blog... i'm now much better after saying things out le... and i wanna thx alvin and jq for showing ur concerns for me today... really makes me feel much better... and also to those who did not pretend tat i dun exist today... ur aknowledgement of my existence makes it worthwhile...

just hoping tat i wun appear puff eyed tml...

ciaoz...

itp finally end le... sch's starting....

kinda miss my collegues at misc... hahahaha... anyway, muz update again....

wed...
nothing much... work as usual...

thurs...
pei hf and lp order their things during lunchtime... they both intend to give kuah lapis and egg tarts to the collegues at misc during the last day...

was rather pissed off by this action of their's... just dun understand lor... usually if got a few ppl attached to a coy for intern they'd usually share to buy things for the collegues... but the thing is the 2 of them insisted on buying on their own... i know they really helped us alot during the period of attachment... but the thing is u are not earning alot frm them and if u wanna treat them on ur own, wat about those who wanna treat yet dun have tat much money to treat on their own? and if all four of us treat them individually, how wud they ppl in the coy be able to finish it all? pls la... spare a tot for them lor... tat time 2 ppl treat at a time already so many of them complain le lor... imagine this time is the four of us treat together... who wud be able to finish... and it's after lunch also lor... i mean pls la... lunch already made ppl so bloody full le lor... go back office still have to eat wat u give them... u think they pig ar?

okay okay... vented enough le... time to carry on... since they both wanna treat on their own, so nvm lor... in the end i share with shimei... a choc cake... and we decided to give them before lunch... so tat they'd have no excuse but to take...

fri...
gave them the cake the first thing in the morning... gave shimei's dept followed by mine... cos these two are top piorities... shirlin they all at first wanna reject de... but i force them to take... muahahaha...

tok to my supervisor while we were still giving out the cake... then see his mood so happy faster gave him my log bk... hehehe... in the end, i think he first time mark ppl log bk lor... still ask me if he need to give kevin ma... so funny lor... then in the end, susie pass by... then she so de siao one lor... cos i only give him all at once ma... the hf is those tat gave her supervisor every week de... so susie told him tat we are supposed to give our suspervisor our log bk every week de... make me so pai sei in front of him lor... cos he ask me how come he nv every week get it...

work was much more than the past few days... non-stop de... hahahaha... occasional breaks were when lp is still waiting for her performa to end, and shimei waiting to use the fax machine... on one of those breaks, lp's dept so sweet de lor... they really dote her like their own kid like tat... will crack jokes to entertain her, tok to her and side her when there's trouble de... then they're the first dept tat gave her things lor... they long planned today le...

just before lunch, lp came and ask me if we wanna join her dept in having lunch... she say they wanna treat us... then ask where we wanna go and eat... in the end, during lunchtime, they still book a mini bus bring us to bukit merah there eat lor... so nice of them... mr kumar, mr sim, mas, jeffery, roz and the receptionist...

my biggest surprise was after lunch... at first still tot tat my dept will not do anything de... but after i came back from lunch, wendy came up to my table and passed a bag to me... then she say tat is something the four of them, wendy, shirlin, emily and crystal share to give me de... so sweet of them lor... i was so touched by them...

then shortly after tat, susie came and gave me something also... was very surprise... then hf say cos susie told her tat everyone deserves something...

work as usual... then hf and lp start to give their things...

near the end of the day then kevin appear... shimei wanted to give him the cake de... but hf dun wanna go yet... she wanted to finish all her work before going... made shimei so pissed off... in the end, kevin called us into his rm... so scary lor... majiam u do something wrong the day u left like tat... hahaha... end up being him wanna tok to us the final time before we go off... then the coy still give us a $50 robinson voucher each... he still took down our contacts... so tat next time if they need part-timers they can contact us... hahaha... hope whenever they need part-timer they'd look for us... then i no need look for job le... hehehe...

anyway, met mabel they all for dinner... thou hf got go, but i went off first... cos need to take laptop frm my sis and hf still wanna do ot for the coy on her last day.... no wonder she can get her A for itp...

anyway, life's always unfair... same supervisor, scared will bias... diff supervisor, diff grading standard... i dun deny tat i'm jealous of her getting an A while i got a B... tat's life... and life really sucks...

anyway, chat alot with them during dinner... but i think mostly is hf toking to alvin la... felt quite bad... cos all three of us are in shipping line and then they kept toking bout the time in shipping line... think mabel felt rather left out lor... so i also nv tok much la... since the 2 of them wanna tok then let them do so lor...

when we're leaving, hf was saying bout something tat ppl of the same blood grp have similar thinking... i think i totally agree with in man... i really starting to not being able to stand blood grp o ppl's way of thinking le lor... hahahaha... wonder how many ppl tat i know has blood grp b... think blood grp b is a grp of rather rare type of blood... cos majority of ppl tat i know has blood grp o... o is the most common of all the ppl i've met lor... now i only know mabel is also same as me, we're blood grp b de...

anyway, if u find it hard to understand this entry dun fret... cos i'm just typying watever tat comes into my mind... so u are really reading my tots as i type this...

anyway, shld go off le... tml sch starting... and now i'm not even sure of wat i'm typing le... hahahaha...

ciaoz...

hahaha... now got stupid show on channel 8... so lame de...

anyway, time to update since i nv managed to come online as often le...

think my memory getting shorter and shorter le... like watever happened today i'll forget it tml le...

ok... back to topic...

sun...
went to meet sid they all at yishun mrt at 1330... cos going to ms chen's hse... hahahaha... so nan de still can be close to my sec 2 form teacher...

saw no one when i reach the mrt station... tot i got the time wrong... end up it's not tat i'm early... but i totally missed sc and sq...

at first we planned to go fish and co have dinner after going her hse de... but in the end they decided to go somewhere less crowded and gurantee got place for a big grp... end up deciding to go villiage at china square central... it's a marche style restaurant... had a fun time playing with her son and toking with all of them... some i see more often, others more nan de come out...

activity ended quite late... was so tired by the time i got hm tat i got the idea of fang lp their ge zi... hahaha...

mon...
super tired day... at first plan to meet lp they all at 1000 de... but everyone so tired tat we shifted the timing to 1130 at harbour front... yup tat's right, we going sentosa to suntan...

woke up later than i wanted... then when i wanna go out le my mum bought lunch for me... so bo bian have to eat... luckily wasn't the latest there... alvin arrived at bout the same time as i did... so went to find them after tat... dilly dally until one plus then reach sentosa...

hahahaha... had a fun time tanning... managed to have quite gd tan... cos wearing my bikini... then really nan de got so free time to sit under the sun and relax....

by five or six plus, we made our way back to mainland... had our dinner at banquet at harbourfront... tok a lot of things...

after tat, mabel gave us a chanel file each... she so sweet lor... still wrote a personalised note for all of us...

well... frm tues until now always the same la... work work work... just tat this week, the workload start to get less le... i got so much free time to slack and do my logbk...

oh ya.. tat reminds me, my main motive switching on the com is to do my logbk de... argh....

ok la... end here le... until sch begins...

ciaoz...

finally... one last week till the end of itp... and it's only a four days week... yeah!!!

hahahaha...
but i'm starting to worry bout my logbk... have'nt written a single thing... die le lar...

long wkend wasted... today slack too much, tml going sec sch gathering, mon going sentosa suntan... no time no time!!! hahahahaaha...

quite excited bout tml and mon... heng my medication will end tml morning... ar bo a lot of things cannot eat...

okay... think some of u blur le... lemme update u for a while...

i fell sick on mon... only slight sore throat on tat day la... then on wed it worsen until i can't swallow anything... in the end, thurs morning woke up to a swollen neck and chin... cos of sore throat and the swelling of my mouth floor... end up toking like i got serious short tongue prob...

so bo bian took off on tat day... went to see my doc... hahahaha... his medicine really work wonder... thou he not too sure wat cos the swelling of my mouth floor... but now, my sore throat is gone, so has all the swellings... hahahahaha... i think cos i've been going to him since young ba... he checked my records tat day... hahahaha... had been going to him since i was 1+ yrs old... i think it's better to see a gp than a specialist doc when u are still a kid... cos most specialist only have med for kids until 12 yr old.... then no point... cos after tat have to change doc and the new doc wun have any reference to ur med history... then might end up prescribing a sensitive med... so i dun think it's gd...

anyway, wannna go watch the cock show le...

ciaoz...

had a super fun day today...

left office at bout 0900 for psa... hahahaha... went to tanjong pagar terminal today... cos the ship docked there... was very leh chey cos still muz go the complex to get a pass before going in... the pass very cute... still need to take pic de... better than air cargo terminal de... if got time, i'll scan it and post it up here for u all to see...

anyway, went circling the place cos we cannot anyhow u-turn... went up the vessel... so bloody high lor... then the steps quite shaky... went to take a look at the bridge... got some intro by the captain and his assistant... surprisingly, his assistant is a rather young man... then something funny happened lor... the assistant was explaining something to us when kevin and kumar said tat while the assistant explained, all the ladies were more interested in looking at him than listening to him... then went to the captain's rm, the captain's dinning area and the kitchen... saw how they lived onboard and how the containers are being loaded and unloaded... super fun...

we also went to the empty container yard... managed to take some pics of the diff containers and even spoilt ones...

after the visit, kevin our manager, treated us to lunch... nice nice cos all spicy de... but poor lp nv get to eat much...

worked as usual after tat... but lp got called into kevin's rm... so stunned sia... tot she got into trouble... but it's all bcos of ignorant ppl frm the accounts dept...

after work went shopping at cwp... cos no one at hm and i nv bring my keys out... waste so much $$ buying junk food... hahahaha... think i really going to grow very fat soon...

back at hm now... wanna go sleep soon... cos working tml...

additional: dun u find tat sometimes listening to a song helps u to relax and even recall some sweet memories? hahaha... just found some really nice songs tat brings back memories... hahahaha... all thx to winson who sits opp me in office... he always tuned in to gold 90fm... hahahaha... so everyday i'm listening to oldies... the song tat u all hear is heaven knows by rick price... it's a song tat i always listen to when i'm in pri 4... hahaha... tat's ages ago le... hearing this song brings me back to the time when me, my er jie and my bro were in his rm, on the aircon and do our hw after sch... such a nice period of time... really love this song... another one is the soundtrack of long vacation... really relaxing... listening to it really felt like u are in the middle of a long vacation...

ok... needa go sleep le...

ciaoz...

yeah!!! hahahaha... i'm so surprised... i actually didn't fail any modules at all!!! wahahahaha...

so bloody happy now... hahahahaha... results are all in my expected range... except for pdwm and tqm of cos...

hahahaha... wanna know my results? (dun wan can dun read de...)

tqm - dist
hrm - b
csb - b
tms - b
pdwm - c
fma - c+

wahahahaha... still so stunned tat i'd even have a dist in my results... at least this time the minimum is a c... not too bad la... considering tat i nv study hard for all exams... so my disappointment is not tat bad... hahahaha... actually there's no disappointment at all la... tok cock only...

gtg... inuyasha starting soon...

ciaoz...

wow... so long nv blog le...

been quite busy these days... really life is filled with work and tuition...

ok... i'm escaping frm reality now... got to check my results... yet i dun wanna do it...

blog finish this entry first... before my results managed to spoil my mood...

these few days quite nice... mon wendy didn't come... so end up emily giving me work... i prefer emily to give me work than shirlin... hehe... cos emily is more friendly...

working is fun when u have a lot of things to do... hahahaha... just like today... whole day do things... then wendy gave me a stack of work to be completed by the end of the day at 1655 when i'm knocking off at 1730... end up doing it super fast... hope got no errors... hahahaha...

anyway, we had a fire drill today... was quite lame la... majiam in pri and sec sch like tat... need to go out of the building and gather at the field beside the building according to the floor we work in... when we are bout to go down, i heard crystal and uncle leong saying something bout getting free gift... according to them, last time when they have fire drill, they were given pen and mineral water after tat... so cute lor... end up this time round, we were given mineral water and a water bottle... hahahaha... so cute de... still got free gift...

excited excited... hahahahaha... tml got company trip to psa, up onboard a misc vessel... and the company invited the four of us to join them... they still say tat we're very lucky cos some staff work there for more than 10 years still nv get the chance to go psa... but we're interns there and get to go with them... hahahahaha...

life is still basically the same... just tat i'm spending more and more days teaching dafinah... nearly everyday now... can't wait for next wed to come... cos it's her last paper on wed... hopefully her parents will give her a break after tat... so tat i get my break also...

anyway, just realised tat ppl near me are all having probs... family probs... death of family members... fights with family members... it's only halfway into the year and so many bad things happened... wat is becoming of this world??

ok... anyway, i've to go check my results le...

fear gripped my heart as the moment i dreaded draws nearer....

escaping reality is definitely not permanent...

sounds chim? tok big only la... hahahahaha... getting crazy le...

next entry will be blogged shortly...

ciaoz...