sometimes i wonder if one is born to be a loner... well... tat seems to be the case for me... is my ren yuan really tat bad? hmmm... just dunno... sometimes i feel like i'm very left out... i'm i being pai chi? or i'm i really tat bad a person tat i dun have a single soul mate, someone who understands me very well?

maybe cos i'm never popular... never was there once when we were to do project tat ppl will wan me in their grp de... i think there's a big flaw in my character ba... no one is willing to really befriend me and do things with me... there was never once when i'm the centre of attention and the leader... i was ALWAYS the FOLLOWER... just hate tat lor...

i think even if i'm gone one of these days also not many ppl will notice ba...

sometimes i just dunno why ppl can change so fast... or maybe cos i'm the one resisting changes ba... i'd always drift away from my frens de... it's a ALWAYS... the most i give it is one yr... one yr after beginning of being in diff class, all my frens wud drift away frm me... even when we met up with each other, i'd nv have the chance to speak up... like in the case of my sec sch gatherings... it'd nv be me who have the chance to speak... and whenever i rarely got this chance, i'd always be interupted by someone de... it's ALWAYS like tat... and i bloody well absolutely HATE to be interupted... when i'm interupted, i'd rather keep quiet and do the listening... how can anybody hear a songle thing if everyone is toking at the same time? so sacrifice and keep quiet lor... bo bian wat... some ppl is just so inconsiderate de lor... nv wait for ppl to finish then interupt...

i think i dun have a lot of frens... those who i count as frens now i dun think will be so after this year lor... they'd as usual move to the mere acquaintance category le...

there are really many ppl who'd come in and out of ur life... these ppl are just mere acquaintances... they are not frens... frens are ppl whom without telling them, would notice tat u are not happy, notice tat u are not present during lesson and would offer to lend u their notes for the lesson tat u miss without u asking for it...

i know i'm single now... but tat does not mean tat u cannot tok to me about the ups and downs of ur relationship... it's true tat i dunno how to give gd advices... but i'd always be there to lend u my ears and even my shoulders de lor...

i know i live in a very happy family and have not been through wat u ppl in problem family experience... but still, if u need someone to grumble ur grouses to, i'd always be there de lor... even though i really cannot give advices on this area... a frenship doesn't work one way... it takes two to clap.... i dun wan a frenship where there's only me complaining to the other party... i want a frenship whereby the other party also complains to me... but... i'm i not trustworthy? maybe some of u might say so ba... but i dun think i'm so... if u label things as secret, i can swear across my heart tat no one else will ever hear about it unless u tell them... like tat time when i went abroad with the 3 guys... wat they made me promise not to tell, i really nv say a single thing out... until the ger ask me if it's true... cos one of u already spill the beans le...

although i admit, i'm not someone who can keep alot of things to myself... tat i always tok to someone to let out all my grouches, but usually those are things tat happened to me, and not wat other ppl told me...

all i ask for is to be treated as a fren... not just mere acquaintance... is tat alot to ask for? is it? really very tired of all these le... why muz ppl have feelings? why can't ppl just be heartless and just go on with their life without the emotional baggage attached... i'm just getting tired... really tired of this... should i just seal myself off from all these feelings? these feelings of being the extra big bulky spare tyre tat is being kicked ard? maybe i wun feel this sad and disappointed if i just seal myself off frm this world... i doubt anyone wud even care if i do so... i was nv impt anyway...

really hate this frenship prob... it's changing me frm being optimistic to being pessimistic which is very bad...

just hope this rough patch of life would end soon...

anyway, thx for reading my grouches... really appreciated it tat u took time off to even bother to read my blog... i'm now much better after saying things out le... and i wanna thx alvin and jq for showing ur concerns for me today... really makes me feel much better... and also to those who did not pretend tat i dun exist today... ur aknowledgement of my existence makes it worthwhile...

just hoping tat i wun appear puff eyed tml...

ciaoz...