stunned... just so stunned... suddenly just lost my grandpa... well tat's according to my cousin... hopefully it's not true... now still waiting for my mum to come hm frm the hospital...

my grandpa was not feeling too well since a few years ago... i know tat... but i dunno wat is he down with...

on sat, heard frm my mum tat he was hospitalised again... but this time, the condition was not too gd... tat day only heard my mum saying tat the doc told my aunt tat if we wanna visit him muz faster visit le... so accompanied my mum to the hospital with my da jie...

ok... anyway my mum just called... it's bad news... my cousin is correct... my grandpa just passed away at 10.20 pm...

suddenly got tears in my eyes... gosh... cannot be so emotional now... have to be strong for my mum... just wat's wrong with me... i tot i wun cry... cos not too close to my grandpa... but...

ok... let me just continue frm sat... went to the hospital with my mum, my da jie and my san yi (my mum's third sis)... think my san yi can't really stand it le... cos she went out of the ward so many times... then her eyes looks teary... after tat, my qi jiu (my mum's 7th bro) and my er jiu (my mum's second bro) came up frm the foodcourt... after tat, my da jiu mu (my mum's eldest bro's wife) came with 2 of her kids, my xiao yi's family (my mum's youngest sis) and my liu jiu's (my mum's sixth bro) family came together... next to cry was my da jie... she just broke down in the arms of her bf... seeing her cry, i think a lot of them also on the verge of crying le... usually when i see ppl cry, i'll break down too... but this time, i held back my tears... if i also cry, then they might all break down... and my mentality tat time was to be strong for my mum and thx god tat he's still alive... i shouldn't cry at tat point in time cos he's still not gone yet... but it's really heart wrenching to see him in pain... he was hooked up on machines and when we visited him tat day, he barely opened his eyes to see us... when my aunts they all called out to him, he also barely responded...

there's a life and death situation in his ward yesterday... the one on his right side died yesterday... at 5.20pm... cos my mum they all overheard... the patient's family was crying so badly... she was saying something like " you are a gd man... move on in peace and find a gd family to reincarnate" ... i was so sad then... but tat's life... one has to go thru birth, aging sickness and death...

msged my er jie when we're bout to go hm... cos she coming hm on sat... in the end, she wanted to come visit my grandpa also... so we waited for her...

went hm on a cab... tat nite, my mum told us tat my grandpa's condition is really bad... he might just past away in these few days... he was dignosed with cancer a few years ago... it was just small then... but being stuborn, he refused any form of treatment... during the third day of lunar new year this year, when he went back for checkup, the doc say it's best if he undergo chemo... thou it wun heal him... but at least can prolong his life... but he just doesn't wanna go thru it...

yesterday his condition still not tat bad... although in pain, he could still sleep in the position tat he always do... but today when we go and visit him in the evening, he could barely move into tat position... in fact, he could barely move and barely moved...

argh... why does my da jie have to be sniffing away in the background and bring back the tears in my eyes??

can see tat his condition had sort of worsen today... even my bro who my went yesterday can tell... just reached hm not too long ago... then at 10 plus, my xiao yi called my mum to ask her to get ready... cos the doc called them to say tat things dun look gd and he's in a critical condition le... then they all going to rush to the hospital and will fetch her there also... wanted to go with my mum... to at least try to give her some support... but i dunno if it's bad news will i be ready to handle it... who knows it might be my mum giving me support... and with one less person, my mum will be able to cope with comforting my grandma, my aunts and my uncles...

frm these 2 days, i really admire my mum... she can be so strong for her family... tat day, a lot of them already got teary eyes le... but only my mum is the exception... and when she called just now, i expect her to be unable to speak... but her voice is still the same as always and doesn't sound shaky... ask me to pick up the phone or to tok to someone, i dun think i'll be able to tok for long before i break down...

ok... better dun say much now...

ciaoz...